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What do we talk about?
The idea of meeting someone you have been chatting to online can be daunting. When you meet up what do you talk about?
What if the conversation dries up and we end up sat there in silence? Since you want to make a good impression and put
both yourself and your date at ease, you want to be able to chat without it feeling uncomfortable. There are some simple
tips and tricks which can help you:
Remember That Your Date Is Nervous Too
Its easy to forget that your date will be feeling just as nervous and anxious to give a good impression as you are.
You should smile occasionally and keep things fairly light hearted and pleasant - this will create a favourable impression
and a favourable response from your date. Being warm, open and friendly will put both of you at ease - you are neither
trying to bluff or fool the other with lies and deceits.
It is good to be witty, to laugh and share a joke. If they say something funny then smile and laugh, but do not spend the entire
date guffawing like a fool as your date will think you are like some insane panto villain.
Pay Attention
Listen to what your date says. Pay attention to them and appreciate what they are saying. You dont have to talk incessantly
and witter away for the duration of the date. People like to be listened to too, to have an attentive audience.
Show Interest and Ask Questions
Remember that you want to find out more about your date - what makes them tick, whether you might be compatible and share
common hope, fears, ambitions and interests. Show that you have read their profile by asking questions about what they have
written about themselves. Ask about hobbies, about family members, what they do for a living, their dreams and aspirations.
The golden rule is that people love to talk about themselves. By asking questions you are showing interest, that you want to
find out more about them. And while they are talking you can think about what you might ask next.
Ask Open Ended Questions
Ask someone if they like music and they will answer yes or no. Ask them what kind of music they like, and they will answer in
a more detailed response which will not only tell you more about them, but also potentially lead you to ask more questions. You want
to ask questions which illicit a detailed response. And by the same token, help your date by elaborating on your own answers. If you
spend the entire evening giving one word answers your date will think you are a dull bore and difficult conversationalist.
Bear in mind that although it is good to ask questions, do not go over the top - it is not an interview or an inquisition. Remember -
keep it light hearted and pleasant. If you are too intense then you might frighten your date off.
Conversation Killers
Do not ask your date on first meeting what they think about marriage. Remember that you have only just met them. You are in the exciting exploratory
phase - you are still just getting to know them, finding out if they meet your expectations, and whether you feel comfortable in their company. You do
not want to scare them off by immediately launching into a marriage proposal. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to get to know them first!
Remember the old proverb: marry in haste, repent at leisure.
Similarly avoid talking about sex. It creates the assumption that you expect your date will lead to sex - and your date may well have already decided that
there is no chemistry, and definitely no prospect of a sexual relationship. Again, there is nothing wrong with taking your time to get the other person first.
You can ask more intimate questions and talk about personal subjects once you know them better.
Avoid Being Negative
Nobody wants to listen to a rant about how your last partner cheated on you and dumped you, or about how you hate your job,
your neighbours or where you live. And nobody wants to hear a list of ailments and medical complaints, and why your life is
so rubbish and everyone hates you. Recognise the positives in your history and personal circumstances and play on those instead to give a favourable
impression.
Avoid Expressing Strong Opinions
As with being overly negative, try and avoid expressing very strong opinions. By stating boldly that you love or hate something you are giving the impression that
you can only see things in black and white - there is no room for moderation, or reasoned argument. And bear in mind that your date will have their own thoughts and opinions,
and you might cause offense if your views are the opposite of theirs. Moderation is key.
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